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Moderators: Wombat, Dude, Yelahiah, freddy
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Wombat
Fri May 22 2020, 09:52am
Furry One

Registered Member #12
Joined: Tue Feb 26 2008, 06:37pm
Posts: 1990
A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when
he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning
from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for
everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given
birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds (or a lot of kg for a baby).

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25
pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's
about average in Yorkshire... like I said, my boy's a
typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.'
Congratulations showered him from all around, amid
many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually
fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender
says, 'Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire
baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth?
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in
two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'


The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little
suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25
pounds the day he was born!'

The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's Bitter Beer,
wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender
and proudly says,
'ad him circumcised...'
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freddy
Tue Oct 13 2020, 03:48pm

Registered Member #15
Joined: Tue Feb 26 2008, 08:02pm
Posts: 3078
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Wombat
Thu Dec 17 2020, 04:54pm
Furry One

Registered Member #12
Joined: Tue Feb 26 2008, 06:37pm
Posts: 1990
I guess some of these won't translate - do ask!

Just gone by an 80's theme Barber shop, should I go in or not, I need to mullet over

Just saw a fight between two rival Avon ladies.
They were having a right ding dong!

I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early today.
He said, "Only if you make up the time."
I said, "OK. It's 35 past 50."

I sent ten puns to my local newspaper in the hope that at least one of them would get published, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Rolex have finally released a new book.
It’s about time. The film to follow should be worth a watch.

I used to be the spokesperson for the local cycling club.

Not all Maths puns are terrible, just sum.

I have been collecting Badgers. Just two more and I will have a sett.

I told my mate that I'd be round in a jiffy, so I don't understand why he was so surprised when I turned up in a large padded envelope

A mummy covered in chocolate & nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.

Last night I had a nightmare that something was biting my neck, got up to check but the mirror wasn't working

BBC NEWS : Norfolk man wins £5.6 million on the lottery. He is going to share his winnings with his wife and cousin. Lucky woman.
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Wombat
Thu Dec 17 2020, 04:54pm
Furry One

Registered Member #12
Joined: Tue Feb 26 2008, 06:37pm
Posts: 1990
Q: What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A: A flying car-pet.

Q: What’s beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinerellephant.

Q: Who in Treasure Island has a parrot that cries "Pieces of four, Pieces of four " ?
A: Short John Silver !

Q: Why does Dick Whittington have a beard?
A: Because eight out of ten owners know that their cats prefer whiskers.

Q: What did Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos?
A: Some day my prints will come.
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